Sucker-punched …

And just like that … The world comes crashing down again. Set backs are clearly a natural part of life but there’s no need to beat a lady while she’s down.

Job=gone

Mates=gone

New potential partner=gone

Money=gone

Self esteem=gone

All of my anxiety has just spiked to epic proportions and I’m, once again, at a loss. Depression is consuming my thoughts as everything s turned o lack. Opening myself up (massively) to new opportunities has left me grossly unsure of my future. I feel like I’m to blame for everything that’s gone wrong in my life. I’ve tried to, not so much place the responsibility of my past onto others but definitely share the responsibility so it didn’t all fall on me. The concept of absolutely everything that’s wrong in my life was always my fault, as my ex constantly reminded me, just didn’t seem plausible. But now, I’m tending to lean more unto the fact he was right (which I hate).

It is me! Everything is my fault! I am completely unworthy! I am never going to be good enough! Alone forever! With only myself to blame!

I am not perfect, perfection is unattainable as stated in previous posts. But I always do my best, and that’s all I can do. Ensuring everyone I know and love feel they are worthwhile and important is something I’ve always prided myself to achieve. I don’t expect people to reciprocate but it would be nice once in a while. I don’t understand why kicking someone when their already down brings people joy. When raising people up frees a person’s true happiness with leaps and bounds.

I really want to be able to continue to praise and acknowledge my loved ones but constantly being reminded I’m just not that important to them is sucking away my soul. Massive steps to happiness has failed. Now I need to proceed with caution for a while and hope some true friends come out to meet me. I hate it when karma makes my ex right. I cannot believe I’m as completely useless and pathetic as I’ve always been told.

Anyway, today I morn what could have been, and hope the Sun comes out again tomorrow. Because it always does.

Doesn’t it?

2 thoughts on “Sucker-punched …”

  1. I hear you clearly. You do your best, your try and lift others, you acknowledge your lack of perfection and you write honestly. Those are great starting points for your journey ahead.
    As you said in a previous post, the sun will come up tomorrow. New friends will arrive. You will feel included again. Understood again. Tuned into again.
    Look forward to reading about how you start to feel lighter again.

    Liked by 1 person

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