Flicking through my social media platforms earlier, I was confronted with an image of terrible proportions. It was of something so common, yet no-one really discusses it. The image I’m referencing is of a beautiful couple, a man and a women. The women was smiling as the man had just brought her chocolates and flowers. They both looked happy and content with each other.
So what was wrong with this picture? Well the woman had a black eye and a swollen cheek bone. The caption read “They always say sorry with flowers”. It made me so sad. Domestic violence is so common, yet no-one talks about it. It’s not unusual to hear yelling and fighting coming from houses that everyone assumes is normal. No body questions it and these incidences just continue untill someone dies. In this instance the smiling lady was killed one week later.
The assumption that domestic violence is something you “keep at home” or “can’t be talked about” is frightening. So many men and women are dying from this awful event that is simply swept under the rug.
Among the comments below I read a lot of stories from men who have had friends die at the hands of their partners. A lot of women were commenting with their escape stories and some, unfortunately, were desperately looking for a way to escape the violent, unexpected lives thrust upon them. Children, all grown up now, commented on their childhood and the horrors they had to see. Near misses, escapes, visiting parents in jail or their graves.
There was another comment that really hit home for me. It said “Emotional and mental abuse is just as bad, if not worse, than physical violence. People can’t see the wounds and often don’t believe the cries for help or emotional outbursts. The only difference is that instead of him (or her) killing you, you do it for them”. So many nights I lay awake thinking everything would be easier for everyone if I just died. This mental and emotional abuse is real. I am a fairly postive person with a very straight forward, rational way of thinking and acting, yet the man I loved had made me feel so worthless I almost became another number in this statistic.
Everyone is different … individual … Special. People fall in love with a person’s personality and vibrance. I don’t understand how you would want to change the person you love. Change them and then no longer love them because they aren’t the same anymore.
I read another story of a couple who had just had their first baby. The young women lost herself in the well-being of the child and the house, her home-made meals even herself had fallen into disarray. The father worked so hard and was trying to be supportive but had all but given up trying. She was not the women he’d fallen in love with.
Determined to make things better he started helping around the house. Complementing her cooking and taking notice of the small, seemingly insignificant things she does around the house. He would kiss her and tell her how beautiful she was and slowly she became the women she wanted to be. Seeing her happy made him happy and that effort is what sets couples apart from the ones that turn to anger, distrust and violence.
I believe if you love someone, love them. If you don’t, leave. If you feel you are not being loved and are worthless and dont deserve a happy, normal life, reach out for help. It works, it saved my life. Let’s save lives and share how easy it can be to love, because it is.