So, I’ve been learning a lot lately about , triggers could be anything from; objects, words, places or even people. These ‘triggers’ turn on a lightbulb (or switch one off) in your brain, almost like knee-jerk reaction from the person affected. Some of these reactions are severe and others subtle, but always there ready to jump out and bite you at any second. These reaction all centralise around many different mental health conditions. Me, myself I have massive anxiety and depression.
My new challenge to myself, and I have a couple in mind for this blog, is to look for triggers and write about my reactions. What was my trigger? How did I react? Was anyone else, other than myself, affected by the trigger or my reaction of the trigger? And most importantly, how did (do) I move past these triggers, to move forward in a positive, life affirming manner so that ‘that particular trigger’ will no longer affect me in an anxious or depressive manner?
Any advice would be extremely welcome. Also, any questions I would love to answer.
I noticed today, I woke to sunshine. Yes, today had already started well, it’s warm and the sun is shining. I’m alive and ready to move through my day. Today should be easy, it’s a day off, just a nice relaxing day. I’ll sit and watch a movie and just chill. It was while I was watching a movie, I noticed my room darkening. The sun was hiding behind a cloud and I found myself feeling down and upset. Suddenly my bright sunny day was gone and was replaced by grey and cold.
It was in this time I noticed a trigger. It was the sun, moreover the lack thereof. My mood changed and I felt cold and alone, it bothered me. My depression came and smacked me in the face, it hurt. The coldness washed over me and my awesome day changed in just a few seconds. Then the sun jumped out again, my brain switched back to warmth and comfort, and I was truly content again.
So in saying that, I came up with the idea for this blog. Today my trigger was the sun hiding behind a cloud. How could I possibly change, ignore or move on from this trigger? I mean, it’s the sun. It just got me thinking … sometimes you can’t fix or eliminate the triggers affection on you. I think, being aware of your triggers is key to moving forward away from them and not letting them set you off anymore.
Today I realized, my depression was set off by the weather. Something I can’t change or control. I acknowledged the change in my mood and from now on I know I can be constantly aware of this trigger. I acknowledge that I’m being irrational by allowing such a small trivial thing bother me and I just need to wait for the sun again. All the time learning to try to appreciate the shadows of the clouds and the coldness it brings. This may still prove challenging, but I’m slowly getting there.
Like I said earlier, I may write about some more of my particular triggers. Other triggers that came to me today was a rum can, a song in my playlist (glitter in the Air – Pink), a text from a friend and a long and necessary conversation with another mate. Maybe next time I can enlighten you on some of those triggers, or (as they are everywhere) write about a new one.