I am, now, a single mother. Struggling, yet in control of my life. I always thought life was great. Well, not “always” great, but manageable. I had alot of pressure and responsibility in my life that I always assumed as normal. Bills, job, parenting and trying to be the perfect partner for my husband.
Then my brain turned off one day and said ‘you know what, I need a break’. Confused and upset by this I went to my doctor, who recommended I see a counselor. Slightly mortified, I followed her advice. I had had a complete nervous breakdown and couldn’t decide if life was worth living or not. Yea, I was in a pretty dark place. My shoulders just weren’t strong enough to hold everything up anymore.
Going to see the councillor was hard for my brain to register, as it wanted to rest and honestly believed I was in control of everything (but myself), but I went. I spoke to the councillor about my life and how my brain was acting up. I explained about my job and how I’d quit. How I just could no longer take all the pressure of the expectations my boss needed from me with such poor health. I told her about my health issues (miscarriage, endometriosis, chronic back degeneration, anxiety and depression). And, of course, my home life with my husband and son, my family and close friends. Her immediate response shocked me.
“Is your son safe?”
“Of course he is, he’s at school.” was my shocked response.
“Does your husband have access to your son at school?”
” Um, Yea, he’s the dad.” I said. I was thinking ‘ durh lady’
“Does anyone else have access to collect him from school?”
“I have contingency plans in place if I can’t get there in time. Pretty sure I’ll make it though, there’s plenty of time.” I responded.
“Oh no, I want you to come with me. I’m taking you to a women’s shelter. Your case is one of the worst mental, emotional and financial abuse cases I’ve ever come across. I never want you to go anywhere near that house or that man ever again”
Wow, that was a shock. How could everything possibly be all his fault, my marriage was my responsibility and I was in control (Or so I thought). I promptly, and very rudely, told her she was Wrong, grabbed my bag and left. But that night I watched my life from a different perspective for the first time. A light switch in my head had gone on and I realized I was in serious trouble. I needed to get out as soon as I could…