Circle of Domestic Violence (Part one, Point three) …

Beware of triggers …

Point One – One Sided Power Games

– Manipulates partners time and energy

Does this sound familiar? Once again, it sure did to me. In the one instance he really didn’t care where I was or who I was with. But, to the contrary of that, if I was somewhere he didn’t want me to be or with someone he didn’t want me to be with, he most certainly ‘let me know’. I lost alot of friends because he didn’t like them. Now, in retrospect, I can see his attitude changed towards a specific mate when I would stick up for myself or challenge his messages. Always, without fail, these amazing, strong and beautiful friends would get slowly pushed out of the picture that was my life and I would be alone again.

He would then always swoop in with sympathy and much scorn for the person now gone from my life. I realized now, he enjoyed this. It meant I had no where to go and I would be at home with him or working. I do question his motives. What was he hoping to gain? Me, isolated and miserable because no one wanted, or had the energy, to be my friend. Surely he loved me for being outgoing and fun-loving. Over 15yrs I had changed to a depressed, anxious mess. I’d lost confidence in my self and music (I never was or am very pretty, but I don’t crack mirrors or anything and I had learned to live with what god gave me and was grateful. Alot of others had it heaps worse than me.) How could I ask even HIM to love me?

All of this naturally drained my energy and made me feel completely ugly and worthless. I didn’t deserve friends and they certainly didn’t deserve me. Through good times and bad I was told, and truly believed, that if they can’t handle me at my worst then they don’t deserve me at my best. I have some amazing friends who have stood next to me and held me up when I was tired and not worthy.

I would organise to go out for a few hours with friends or family and, naturally, my beautiful husband would be so supportive and say:

“Sure, you can go out, have a great time with your friends.”

Then as Friday approached his attitude would change … he was tired and couldn’t be bothered cooking for dinner. (For the record, I never cooked dinner. That’s right! Never! You see, he was older and more experienced then me with cooking … he didn’t want to end up in hospital with food poisoning or for the house to be burnt down through my lack of cooking skills. Also if I did burn the house down it would be my sole responsibility to replace all of his things.) Then I would offer to cook, so I could feed him then get ready to go out, with him content and full. Of course, he always cooked. So he would start cooking the evening meal at 7pm, when I was supposed to leave. Instantly putting me back at least an hour, trying to aggravate my friends and of course me. Then we would eat and he would start with his:

“It’s getting abit late, your not still going out now are you? I was just going to put a movie on so we could watch it together. Your friends are probably finishing up by this stage, abit embarrassing to show up now”

At this stage it’s 8.30pm and I’m clearly not going out. I would, once again, flake out on my mates, which was always no surprise to them. (Please also note he had absolutely no problem flaking on his friends and family and openly blamed me for his reason not to show up to things. If he didn’t want to or the plans didn’t benefit him, he had no interest in participating.).

I remember once my best mate said …

“It’s ok, you can be abit late, I’ll come pick you up.”

I was exhausted after getting ready, then getting changed (unready) and being, once again, dissapointed to not being able to go out (even though he said I could). I would deter her and anyone who made this option available for me. Saying I was tired or not feeling well. It could never be his fault I’m not going out, that was ‘family business’ and no one had a right to know. She responded one day with:

“Ok, cool I’ll be there in five.”

Shit … I’ve gotta get ready again. While listening to him argue with me, unhappy to not have his way. Starting to point out it was to late to go out, or, I should just stay home and chill with him, or, who the Fu?k does she thinks she is? She can’t just show up here and take you out in the middle if the night. Please note none of this was said ‘nicely’. I quickly changed my clothes and waited, I could hear her arriving. And he quickly would stop yelling …

I would get the door, looking awful and tired. No make up and wearing clothes I’d just thrown on quickly. How I always looked, I’d given up on trying to look pretty a long time ago. She of course was bright and bubbly and excited to have me, actually, come out with her. And then, he would jump up, smile at her and say:

“Oh, thanks for coming to get her . I told her in the week she could go out but she is always trying to back out.” He would laugh and turn to me, stretch down and give me a kiss and a little squeeze on the butt, “you go out now and have fun, husband orders”

I would smile weakly and say to my bestie, let’s just go.

Once in her car, smokes were lit and I would be quiet for a few minutes. Then turn and say gently to her, thank you. She is the only person who saw my situation for what it was and we went back to her place to chill out, talk, drink and sing. And she was the only one to see me not as a flake but someone’s who’s time and energy was being monopolised. She continued with this push and even he, eventually, realized that she wasn’t giving up. Unfortunately she eventually did. When I got sick, she tried to push him into understanding that he should be caring for his wife not her, she stood fast with this and disappeared for some time. Sadly he didn’t help and I struggled continually trying to get by each day on my own, eventuating in my imminent mental breakdown. And many failed attempts at ending my own stupid, unworthy, useless life. Of course I don’t blame her, or him really, I just needed to be stronger, and wasn’t. Everyone else was gone and had forgotten me, the awful friend who never shows up or keeps her word… worst friend ever. Who cares if she suffers, she never cared about us.

This behavior was present from the beginning of our relationship to the end and sometimes even now. I could go on and on with examples of him supporting me, but somehow not supporting me at the same time. (You will no doubt get numerous examples in my future blogs.)

THIS IS ABUSE!!!!

If you, or anyone else you know, is experiencing this abusive tactic please, I need you, to seek help. Talk about domestic violence and let’s help each other.

Please leave a comment or question below and follow my blog. I plan on spreading this message as far as I can to help save men or women in this Situation and to help them understand abuse IS NOT OK.

You may feel alone, but everyone loves you and wants what is best for you. L

(Please also note, I’ve written this in a slightly depressive mood, I may tweak it later)

Green

“Nature’s first green is gold”

The one line of a book I read at 15yrs old. In my grade 10 English class the entire class was asked (begged) to read at least one chapter of a book. The book was to go towards our overall grade 10 certificate for English. The entire class had groaned, admittedly I was one that joined in. One whole chapter of a book that the “teacher’s” wanted us to read. Wow, sometimes homework just sucked.

Anyways, I went home and did not do my homework. I went to hang out with a mate, then came home and had some dinner. The phone rung and it was for me. Another mate, who is still one of my besties till this day, rung almost every night. I had strict parents and although it bugged me at the time, age has shown me how amazing and strong they truly were, together. My parents didn’t want me to watch “soapies” on TV. Mortified by this, my mate rung me just so I could hear the latest gossip, on the shows, (so I wasn’t completely left out at school) through the phone (and yes, it was attached to the wall in my lounge room). After the shows finished we listened to music together over the phone till one of our parents said to hang up for the day. By this stage it’s getting pretty late I shower and get ready for bed. Say goodnight to my family and turn off the light. As I lay there I had a funny feeling I’d forgotten something. The light switch went back on, literally, and I remembered my homework.

Damn, OK then, I’ll read my one chapter…

So it must have been midnight when I finished the book, it was one of the most amazing books I’ve ever read. It was actually abit of an honor for me to raise my hand the next day when the teacher asked who had read the first chapter. As the teacher acknowledged my hand in the air, I proceeded to tell him I’d read the whole book.

“What, in one night?” He said

“Well sure, it was easy. The book is one of the best things I’ve ever read”

Full marks for me, yay. If you haven’t guessed already the book was called,

“The Outsiders”.

A story of a family of three beautiful young men and their friends who have had their life mapped out for them because of where they are from, how they lived and what they wore.

I think the idealistic manner of learning your future as its “supposed to be” is what alot of people get lost in. Just because you didn’t want to read the books assigned in English or you couldn’t hang out at the high school parties, should not need to be the design of your future, or fate. I think what I’m trying to say is everyone is in charge of their own fate. I wish we could learn this when we are “green” but I guess it must be one of those things you learn in time.

My personal green was to be happy and content in my future. To me that meant saving my virginity till marriage, not taking drugs and not following others, just to follow my own heart. And to do this I believed in marriage and living happily ever after. As I waited for the “right” one to come along I lived. I went out with my friends and got a job. I earned my driver’s license and then … there he was. He was “the one” and I knew instantly that everything in my future was going to be amazing.

Now, if you haven’t read my other blog posts you may think that it’s a great story. I stayed married to this dream for 15yrs and during that time I grew. I grew up, and became the person I am today. I became a mother and a supervisor at work and was traveling nicely. Every problem or drama in my life, especially in my marriage, was manageable because I was living my happily ever after. I was in complete control (or so I thought).

If only I could go back to my teenage self and say, live your life, enjoy your time, don’t settle, take off those bloody rose-coloured glasses. The lies and bullying begun immediately, I see that now. But my green, naive self refused to see this. The taunting and the threats had begun before the ring even went on, I saw nothing.

I wish the message sent to me through this book showed me not to follow what I was supposed to do. And to step up and allow myself to have more options in life and not to settle. I wish Darry had gone to college with Paul. And Soda had got the opportunity to marry Sylvia. Just to show the impressionable 15yr olds reading can understand that they are in charge of their own future. Stop being a colony of ants following the leader and make your own path. Teach this to our children, that green can be gold. And that just because everyone and everything in their world is telling them to act a certain way or dress a certain way, they can become gold and make the best choices for themselves. And, flipping the coin, if your mate decides not to use drugs or be home on time … let them be. Support them, not ridicule them for not wanting to join in. I’m sure they want to but they are deciding to be their own personal version of gold and not green.

Being green is a beautiful stage in life. Teacher’s, parents, caregivers or even peers need to be more willing to un-mould children and allow them to follow their own paths. If they fail, then they learn. If they triumph then they’ve learned even better. Help each other grow and support the dreams of kids … playing computer games, hanging out late at night or using drugs are not the only option.

Sit them down and help them with homework and encourage them to be the best they can (and help them when they fail). Any thoughts? Add them in the comments and please follow my blog. I’d love to follow yours and spread the love and lessons.

Triggers (2)

So, as I’ve written in an earlier post, (about triggers) I’ve experienced a new “trigger”, and thought I would share. Now this one, as normal, came as a shock, and unfortunately has stuck with me for the majority of this day, so far. Hence, the decision to write it down and share with everyone. The effects of this particular “trigger” set off my anxiety, badly, and then depression, and I felt it definitely needed to be dealt with to move forward in my day.
Basically, the neighbors were having an argument. Granted, it was a big one, it was loud and confronting and disturbing. I awoke to this and forgot where I was. As I woke I forgot I was in a safe place, with my son, away from harm. I forgot the doors were locked and no one could get in and hurt me. I basically was back in my old bedroom, from my marriage, and I was getting yelled at … again. In my disorientation I thought: No, I don’t have to work today! Why are you yelling at me to work? No, I’m not stupid and worth nothing but dirt! Why are you saying this? Shouldn’t you be at work?
As my anxiety and disorientation slowly diminished i realised where I was and that I was safe. I looked around at my, now, comfortable home I’ve made for myself and was thankful. My anxiety passed as my panic attack lessened, I suddenly started to feel really really down. Depression had sunk in. Why was this stuff still bothering me? How long will I have to put up with this?
Anyway, life goes on and I got up and left my bedroom closing the door, and the noise, behind it. In the kitchen I prepared my son and myself breakfast and prepared for our days. Appointments, texts, emails, phone calls and then, a break … finally. (Please also acknowledge that my anxiety and depression was pretty extreme today and ,yet, I needed to continue through my day. People with mental health issues are “normal” … they still work hard, shop, look after children, etc and function as “normal”, because they must. It’s part of life. It is also why you should never judge a book by its cover, you never know what underlying issues are within people’s souls.)
After my errands, I was back at home, safe, and looking at my closed bedroom door, thankful that the argument from this morning was over but depressed it had affected me so badly. I entered my room and sat … I would have sat there for about twenty minutes, doing nothing. My brain was upset and needed a break. It managed to be aware of gratefulness that I’m no longer in a position of danger and I was safe in my house. But then never ending questions always pop up in my head. How long will this last? How am I going to continue to move forward if everything is continually pulling be backwards?
I guessing in this particular case, I,
(A) need to shut out other people’s business and not allow them, or it, to impact my life.
(B) concentrate on the fact I’m no longer in a domestic violence situation and I’m safe in a new home (haven) I had created for myself and my son.
(C) And , lastly, acknowledge and respect this trigger so it does not affect me so badly next time. (And hopefully get me to a stage of walking over the road and helping this poor lady who is constantly getting yelled at.)
I think this blog is helping alot. Writing these types of triggers down and sharing them really has, impactually, made me more aware of them and what they are, how they work and how to recognise the signs and reactions they give.
I hope you’ve gotten some clarity after reading this particular trigger. I’m sure many more will come to me as I have a 15yr history of mental and emotional abuse. Please share any triggers you or someone you may know has experienced or currently experiencing. I, honestly, believe if we discuss and acknowledge these triggers we can finally start to move forward in our lives with a far more positive outlook. It’s NOT an over reaction when I say this strategy of acknowledgement and acceptance to move forward from triggers is a suicide preventative. Absolutely, it could be, let’s talk and save lives…

Circle of Domestic Violence (Part one, Point two)…

Beware of triggers.
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Point One – One Sided Power Games
– If one tactic does not work, he changes to a new tactic.
Does this sound familiar? I struggled from this tactic all the time. Sometimes his behavior could go from anger to calm or calm to anger. Now it seems like the second option would be more common (which I’m sure it is) but the surprise is when it starts at anger and then calms (that’s when the manipulation or guilt trips kick in).
“I WANT THIS NOW !!!!”
Yea OK, you want something (alcohol, money, sleep, an ingredient for a meal, sex). We all know you do, you just screamed it at me and the neighbors.
OK, I’m gonna explain part of this blog post with the sleep example, because it seems strange to be there with the other options. Alcohol and money seem fairly obvious, but sleep. Yes, sleep was a big issue in my marriage. He always got up early for work so he went to bed early. Sometimes he would fall asleep in the bed, but most of the time on the couch. I learned very quickly to let him sleep on the couch if that’s where he was. Many times I was yelled at that if I woke him and he didn’t get enough sleep and died at work the next day it would be entirely my fault. (This is why sleep makes it on to this list). All of this he completely denied the next day and I was being over dramatic. Did he not remember or was he just in denial? Even when he did acknowledge his awful abusive comments he would say … well Yea, it true isn’t it.
For the yelling to go on and on, then deny it completely really plays on your mental health. You genuinely do start questioning your motives and think you WAS over reacting. OK! that yelling is OK because he was tired and I interrupted his sleep … no it’s not. Or, OK sure, it’s true, it’s all true, if he died at work the next day through interrupted sleep it WOULD be my fault and I WOULD need to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Like I said … I learned very quickly just to leave him alone, on an uncomfortable lounge rather then the bed we was supposed to share. This often put me in a big empty bed all alone (some marriage!!).
So I’ll move to alcohol, that was also a huge problem in my marriage. I actually stopped myself drinking all together in my house just to discourage alcohol s presence. He often ran out of alcohol the day before payday and he would always ask for money to buy some more, often money I didn’t have or couldn’t afford to part with. After the yelling and screaming, (the ‘you don’t earn as much as me’ and the ‘you don’t work as hard as me’ or the ‘if you worked as hard as me you would feel like a drink too.) and he still hasn’t got me to agree to buy him some alcohol, (please also note by this stage he has already scoured the house looking for alcohol or money, which I had to hide) that’s when he changes his tune.
He always gave me his best (yelling) for a good 15 mins or so. If I didn’t give in and just give him money, if I was still abstinent till the 15 min mark, he would always complete flip over the conversation/argument. The ‘I thought it would be nice if we could have a drink together’ or ‘I just need one to unwind from my day, surely you’ve got cash for just one drink’ or the best one ‘your lucky I drink at home and I’m not going out to the pub every night’. Yes, I heard them all and every time I had to go down the road and get him alcohol.
All of this is naturally draining and, as I mentioned earlier, you get to the stage that your obligated to sleep alone or supply the alcohol before payday. Even to this day I always have $20 in my wallet as a habit of survival. My son couldn’t learn to save money because his own father would steal it from anywhere he could find money. (Just in RE-reading this I wanted to point out that after 14 years of alcohol abuse I managed to stop him drinking, this is when I saw his behavior continue as normal, he was genuinely just a Di?k). Without the alcohol he turned to complaining about anything and everything using this particular tactic all the time to manipulate his way and get what he wanted.
It is important to stay strong and not allow this to be normal, it is not. Learn from my mistakes.
THIS IS ABUSE!!!!
If you, or anyone else you know, is experiencing this abusive tactic please, I need you, to seek help. Talk about domestic violence and let’s help each other.
Please leave a comment or question below and follow my blog. I plan on spreading this message as far as I can to help save men or women in this Situation and to help them understand abuse IS NOT OK.
You may feel alone, but everyone loves you and wants what is best for you. L

Circle of Domestic Violence (Part one, Point one)…

Beware of triggers.
screenshot_20180930-212812_1691967873.jpg
Point one – One Sided Power Games
– He determines how, when and what gets communicated.
Does this sound familiar? It sure did for me. How many times something happened and I could not communicate with anyone or ask for help. I was constantly reminded that anything that happens in our marriage was ‘Family business only’ and no one needs to know our secret business. Many times I suffered from pure suffocation. I just wanted to speak, ask if things in my life were normal (my life just didn’t seem … right). Even now, I’ve escaped, and I still get panic attacks talking about issues that are ‘family business’ (although it is getting easier and easier, writing this blog was difficult).
He was so cruel to everyone always, my family and friends (His family and friends). Eventually there was no one left. My family constantly tried to communicate with me, just to get me out of the house (to breathe). Gradually my friends got sick and tired of me constantly flaking on them and stopped calling or texted. I don’t blame them, to put in so much effort and get nothing in return would push me away to.
Towards the end of my marriage I was at work and he rung me (he always rung me, everyday) to find out when I would be home (as he did everyday), the response was the same everyday, but it was basically his way of saying ‘you should be home … right now!’. A good friend of mine , at work, answered the phone, in the busy shop where I’d worked for nearly ten years, and immediately started laughing. I cringed, I knew the call was for me and I was busy. My friend handed me the phone and my husband was instantly yelling at me.
‘What the fu?k is going on? Why didn’t you answer the phone? Now I had to talk to that fu?khead, he’s such a fu?king cu?t, I can’t believe you didn’t answer the phone! What the Fu?k are you doing? When are you going to be home? You’d better hurry! And don’t you go helping that Fu?khead with his work either, you do your job and come straight home!’
I apologised profusely and explained that I was busy (Durh, like I’m at work, where did you think I was or doing?).
After this conversation I felt drained and awful, he had that effect on me … control.
This happened every day of our marriage. The person he was referring to could be anyone from his work mates or family to mine. Everyday he said awful things, shouting and screaming like a child who lost his favorite toy and I could never discuss it with anyone, it was ‘family business’ and no one had a right to know.
This particular instance I hung up the phone and ‘just needed a smoke, to be honest’ my friend was laughing still and said,
‘God, I love that bloke he’s so funny. You found a good one that’s for sure.’
This is the first time I did “this”, I think that’s why it sticks in my head. I blew up, at work in front of staff and customers,
‘Oh really, well he just screamed at me and said he hates you and called you a Fu?king cu?t. I’m sick and tired of people telling me how wonderful he is when he’s so nasty all the time.’
Wow, I thought, that actually felt good, although I was close to tears. My friend took me outside for a smoke and made me talk to him about my outburst and for the first time, in a long time, I had an outlet, a pillar of strength I could lean on. My outburst spread through work and I accumulated quite a few ‘supporters’.
I didn’t go out of my way to talk about my life at home, because I wasn’t allowed to, but it was actually a relief to know the world wasn’t going to crumble to pieces is I said something.
By him determining how, when and what gets communicated, I constantly felt squashed and not able to be myself (whoever that was). My entire identity was moulded into exactly what he wanted over the course of our marriage.
THIS IS ABUSE!!!!
If you, or anyone else you know, is experiencing this abusive tactic please, I need you, to seek help. Talk about domestic violence and let’s help each other.
Please leave a comment or question below and follow my blog. I plan on spreading this message as far as I can to help save men or women in this Situation and to help them understand abuse IS NOT OK.
You may feel alone, but everyone loves you and wants what is best for you. L

Circle of Domestic Violence (Intro).

Beware of triggers.

Another reason I started this blog is to share my knowledge and experiences of domestic violence. Unbeknownst to me, I was a victim of domestic violence and I thought I was living a completely normal life. It was hard and I struggled, but I honestly thought it was normal. Surly a marriage has ups and downs and you just push through. You constantly return your mind to ‘why your there’ and ‘how much love you hold for your husband. You forgive and compromise, constantly, to find that happy place you imagined your marriage should be.
It wasn’t until I had a complete nervous breakdown and saw a councillor who made me realize that my sacrifices were in vain. I had completely exhausted myself trying to make everything OK. He, of course, denied everything, even when I pointed things out. It was always my fault and I had the problem not him.
I was given the circle of domestic violence and was shocked to find myself relating to almost all of the points attached. My aim is to slowly, possibly once a week, to go through every single point and start some conversation over these points.
If you feel you, or someone you know, is experiencing any aspects of my future posts, please seek help immediately. Let’s start working together.
(Please also note, the points will be given from a female perspective, but I acknowledge that men are also victims. If any male readers find any points they, or someone they know, is experiencing, please also seek help and comment, thank you).

Triggers

So, I’ve been learning a lot lately about triggers. From my understanding, triggers could be anything from; objects, words, places or even people. These ‘triggers’ turn on a lightbulb (or switch one off) in your brain, almost like knee-jerk reaction from the person affected. Some of these reactions are severe and others subtle, but always there ready to jump out and bite you at any second. These reaction all centralise around many different mental health conditions. Me, myself I have massive anxiety and depression.
My new challenge to myself, and I have a couple in mind for this blog, is to look for triggers and write about my reactions. What was my trigger? How did I react? Was anyone else, other than myself, affected by the trigger or my reaction of the trigger? And most importantly, how did (do) I move past these triggers, to move forward in a positive, life affirming manner so that ‘that particular trigger’ will no longer affect me in an anxious or depressive manner?
Any advice would be extremely welcome. Also, any questions I would love to answer.
I noticed today, I woke to sunshine. Yes, today had already started well, it’s warm and the sun is shining. I’m alive and ready to move through my day. Today should be easy, it’s a day off, just a nice relaxing day. I’ll sit and watch a movie and just chill. It was while I was watching a movie, I noticed my room darkening. The sun was hiding behind a cloud and I found myself feeling down and upset. Suddenly my bright sunny day was gone and was replaced by grey and cold.
It was in this time I noticed a trigger. It was the sun, moreover the lack thereof. My mood changed and I felt cold and alone, it bothered me. My depression came and smacked me in the face, it hurt. The coldness washed over me and my awesome day changed in just a few seconds. Then the sun jumped out again, my brain switched back to warmth and comfort, and I was truly content again.
So in saying that, I came up with the idea for this blog. Today my trigger was the sun hiding behind a cloud. How could I possibly change, ignore or move on from this trigger? I mean, it’s the sun. It just got me thinking … sometimes you can’t fix or eliminate the triggers affection on you. I think, being aware of your triggers is key to moving forward away from them and not letting them set you off anymore.
Today I realized, my depression was set off by the weather. Something I can’t change or control. I acknowledged the change in my mood and from now on I know I can be constantly aware of this trigger. I acknowledge that I’m being irrational by allowing such a small trivial thing bother me and I just need to wait for the sun again. All the time learning to try to appreciate the shadows of the clouds and the coldness it brings. This may still prove challenging, but I’m slowly getting there.
Like I said earlier, I may write about some more of my particular triggers. Other triggers that came to me today was a rum can, a song in my playlist (glitter in the Air – Pink), a text from a friend and a long and necessary conversation with another mate. Maybe next time I can enlighten you on some of those triggers, or (as they are everywhere) write about a new one.
What are your triggers?
How do react?
Have you managed to move past them, and how?

Break out of your box.

As a female, growing up was awkward. You were designed to walk and talk and follow the leader. While our wonderful parents encouraged us to be ourselves and show the world we are magic, they to became severely dissapointed when we weren’t like everyone else.
Pretty bows and ballerina shoes were thrust upon us because that’s what little girls are supposed to wear. Dressing in blue is, just simply, deplorable. If it wasn’t pink, just keep walking. A little girl just doesn’t play football on the weekends. Super and spice and all things nice, etc, etc, etc. And please, don’t get me started on princesses or Barbie dolls (there are no happy endings without hard work and compromise, and if you had the body of Barbie … you simple wouldn’t be able to eat).
Thank the stars above, times are changed. Please don’t be angry or resentful towards your parents as, they to were following the flow of acceptable social behavior. Baring in mind, some parents just didn’t care at all (unfortunately, the parent ladder has alot of different rungs on it)
As a teenager, girls start to realise these abnormal/normal social behaviors. One girl is getting her ears pierced, the next girl has a boyfriend, the next got detention. Oh, how cool! This socially accepted behavior is looked down upon by our elders, as they still aspire for bows, dancing and violin lessons. But to your peers, if you weren’t doing these things … your simply not cool.
All throughout high school you see girls trying to keep up with every one else or come up with a new trend to become cool and accepted. And frankly, this new age of social media being the social norm is frightening (Pls note: I was in high school in the late 90’s).
What I do see now though, is expressionistic individuals saying no to social norms. Be an individual, discover your passions and follow your dreams. Some people want to build buildings, some want to design them, some want to ensure its completely safe and others just want to live there. None of these people are doing anything wrong, they are just following their dreams.
Let’s design a new generation of doers not followers, communicate with intelligence and individualism, and not to be in the same picture as the cool kids. Oh, I’m not saying don’t be cool, but what I am saying is the only person you need to impress is yourself.
Turn off your devices (TV, computer, tablet, phone) and go outside.
What is the weather like today?
What can I do for myself today?
What can I do for others?
How can we make the future brighter and more acceptable for everyone?
We may not have all the answers yet, but there is always hope …